A survey of parents by Vitabiotics has revealed some interesting trends in parenting. There’s a higher focus on emotional intelligence (that’s a tick from us) and wellbeing (we’re happy with that too). Parents also feel that styles of parenting have changed a lot in the last decade or so, and are strongly influenced by social media. We couldn’t agree more.
And the survey lists some parenting trends that “could be at risk of dying out”.
Three caught our eye because we think it would be a great shame if these things were to disappear. We were also interested to see the link between them...
Using physical calendars and planners for family routines
Technology is wonderful for these things. An online calendar is so much easier than the pen and paper version. It’s neater, more organised and instantly accessible and shareable. At least it is for us ....Does have an online calendar work for kids?
Ultimately, we want our children to be responsible for their own schedules. In the lead-up to that, we need them to be aware of and have some engagement with their activities.
When we keep the schedule on our phone, and keep responsibility for running it, our child’s only option is to wait to be told what they need to do and when. Children have a limited understanding of time, so they’re just not going to remember that Tuesday means swimming at 5pm during term-times.
And not being aware of what you’re going to be doing, and always having to ask someone else, is unsettling. It leaves you dependent and therefore vulnerable. Some children won’t care that much! But whether they care or not, they’re not learning to manage their time.
Keeping the family routine to ourselves may make our life easier in the moment, but it’s not helping in the longer-term.
Please give an old-fashioned physical timetable a go. They really help children learn to understand time (it’s not their strong point!) and it allows them to self-refer which is the start of taking responsibility.
Having regular phone-free or tech-free time as a family
Another tech-related issue and this one surprised us a little. Devices and gadgets are omni-present. We use them for pretty much everything and anything – alarm clocks, diaries, notebooks, reading .... But they don’t have to be everywhere all the time. Children really need real-life connection with us. Our relationship with them is the foundation of their future relationships. And they need plenty of our attention because this helps them feel secure and it’s also how they learn to behave.
Even having a phone on the side, or in our pocket, takes up some of our attention. We just know it’s there so there’s a part of our awareness that is on alert waiting so we can leap to the next beep!
Please protect some areas of family life – particularly bedtime and mealtimes – as tech-free. We remember very well how tricky these times of the day can be with children. Distracting them with technology will absolutely get you out of a pickle in the moment. But it’s not going to help your child learn how to enjoy family meals or how to learn to sleep well.
Letting children experience boredom
As we head into half-term, there will be cries of “I’m bored” as children adjust from the packed school schedule to a more open and relaxed schedule at home. Kids don’t like being bored. They’re wired to be curious and have fun, so being at a loss for something to do doesn’t work for them. It feels uncomfortable. So they moan about it.
We’ve not met a parent who enjoys this sort of moaning and complaining. And I think lots of us panic that being bored could lead to trouble! And there’s an instant pocket-sized solution in the nearest gadget or device so we crack and hand it over.
We need to resist the temptation to fill every gap in our child’s day. We want them to work out how to tolerate a bit of boredom – maybe so they think for themselves about what they might enjoy doing, maybe also so they experience a little bit of unexpected down-time and get used to not being constantly stimulated.
Please know that saying they’re bored isn’t a bad thing for children. “I’m bored” means “I am so used to being busy and told what to do, I don’t know how to handle this situation”. This interpretation points us towards solutions. How can you help your child find something to do? Maybe make a list of suitable activities as a “Boredom Buster” for half-term!
We’ve got a basic template to get you started. https://us.simplerousercontent.net/uploads/asset/file/8032341/BORED-board.pdf