Even before the new UK government guidelines for limiting children’s screen-time, and the court ruling in the US that agreed that social media platforms are successfully designed to be addictive, parents have always been asking us how they can cut down on their child’s screen-time.
Here’s the spoiler: it’s not easy, but it is possible.
Being online feels good. Kids feel engaged and every little notification, game, or scroll supplies them with hit of dopamine that keeps them coming back for more. If they lose a game, there is an instant opportunity to go again and feel good again. Even if they’re seeing unhappy or upsetting things, it’s hard to break away, particularly if there is an element of FOMO. The pull is real. They’re designed into the apps!
And when we hand over a device, we get that hit of dopamine too as another parenting crisis is averted. We may have a sense of unease about it, but we tend to kick the can down the road, promising ourselves we won’t do it next time..... but we repeat the action because we crave the instant relief it provides.
The government guidance states screens should never replace “sleep, physical activity, active play or direct parent-child interaction” because these are the vital components for healthy child development and there just isn’t a digital equivalent.
Put this way, the only activity we can cut back on in order to make time to be online is household chores and homework, and we’re pretty confident that’s not going to work for most parents!
So what can parents do?
Send a few days creating a digital diary so you have an accurate view of how much time your child is spending online. Distinguish between doing homework and scrolling through social media.
Yes, we mean you too! If you want your child to reduce and limit their online use, it’s going to much harder if you don’t take similar steps on your own use and lead by example.
Don’t launch into changing everyone’s digital habits when you’re upset or angry! We need to be calm so we can be smart about how we approach this. Explain your concerns and goals to your child. If you also acknowledge how much they enjoy being online, and that they may not feel it’s bad for them, and you recognise it’s going to be a challenge, it will be easier for your child to take on board.
The best way to start a reduction programme is with small steps. The ideal situation is that everyone finds it a bit of challenge, but they are successful because that’s what motivates people to keep trying.
Some families decide to have a cut-off time in the evening, or have one day a week without devices, or that devices are only available in a particular room. If that sounds too much right now, then start with reducing time by say 20 minutes a day.
It’s easier to fend off the temptation to go online if you have planned something else to divert or distract yourself. Share tips with family members about what helps!
If you’ve decided to make mealtimes screen-free, which is a very good idea, or have a Detox Day at the weekend, think about how you can fill the online void. Ask your child what they love to do in the real world and see how many of their ideas you can put into action.
Never take your child’s effort and progress for granted. This is hard for them, so make it worthwhile by giving plenty of positive feedback. You could have additional treats (non-screen-related!) for the family to enjoy together.
Show your child you recognise the challenge. This is more persuasive than dismissing their upset. If your child is very unused to feeling at a loose end, or not able to check messages, it will feel unsettling at first. Their brain is accustomed to being highly stimulated.
There’s no time like the present to start. Change won’t happen overnight and, more likely than not, there will be complaints. The effort is worth it, and one day they might even thank you for it!