Most children stop believing in Father Christmas by their eighth or ninth Christmas. This is later than their cognitive abilities at this age would suggest. By 8 or 9 years old, the majority of kids understand the difference between reality and fantasy, and their reasoning skills are developed enough to query the odds of an individual pulling off the fantastical Christmas Eve journey.
And yet they hold on to the Santa Myth for another couple of years....
Most children work out things aren’t quite what they seem for themselves, often by asking us some tricky questions! A third find out from their friends that Father Christmas is a fictional character and less than 1 in 10 are told by their parents.
If your child starts asking questions, don’t panic, just listen.
Although it is clear the doubts are setting in, you child may not really want to know the correct answer to their questions about how reindeer fly or how Santa manages the chimney, or how he knows where they will be on Christmas Eve. They may simply be demonstrating their emerging awareness and checking in to see whether they should give up on the idea or whether they can keep going!
(By the way, you can find lots of helpful answers for tricky questions at internationalelfservice.com/answers-kids-questions-father-christmas/)
Rather than loudly insist that the story is true, and suggest that querying the story may lead to a lack of presents, lean into their scepticism with phrases like “that’s a really good question! Looks like you’ve really been thinking about this. It does seem pretty amazing doesn’t it. And, although it doesn’t quite make sense, I am really glad it happens every year!”
If you’re asked directly whether you are indeed Father Christmas, you can buy some time with “Wow, that’s a great question! What do you think?” and see if their answer reveals how much they already know, and whether they might want the truth to come out.
When you sense your child really wants the truth, it’s time to come clean!
According to psychologists, about half of children have a positive reaction when they discover the truth about Santa. Many feel proud that they’ve worked it out, and that they are now promoted to the grown-up side of the story and trusted to maintain the tradition for those younger than themselves. Often it is the parents who feel more of a loss!
Some kids feel some short-lived negative emotions such as sadness, anger or distrust. They are mostly fine within a few days. It is a bit harder for those who find out later than their peers, or hear the truth abruptly whilst their parents are actively backing-up the story at home.
If your child seems really upset, empathise with them. It is a big moment in their life. It is a loss for them. And their trust is temporarily threatened. Don’t rush to explain why letting (or encouraging!) them to believe was worth it, let them be sad for a bit.
Almost every sibling who uncovers the truth is more than happy to play along so their younger brothers and sisters enjoy believing for as long as possible.
And the vast majority of children intend to continue the Father Christmas tradition with their own children!